They tell us, “If you get knocked down six times, get up seven times.” Well, this stupid thing is what it looks like to do that.
I’m not going to claim to know what I’m doing. It’s probably quite clear I don’t. So, I want to take a moment to go over how things are going, where things are, what’s gone wrong, and what I’m trying to do to fix it, because things are still a mess.
I’ve gone back and hidden my most recent two posts, one alluding to the idea that I’m going to do something different the next day, and the following one being a very rough draft of one of the fiction stories I’ve wanted to put up here for months. They aren’t wrong or bad, but they are incomplete and spur=of-the-moment. Instead of driving me to action, it let me off the hook for writing more because “hey, I posted fiction.” I’m saying this for transparency as to why there is a gap, and to apologize for the multiple self-imposed deadlines I’ve now missed.
There are a handful of things, from personal to cultural to entrepreneurial, that I am once again doubting myself over. But, as I do want to be transparent, I’m going to focus on the major ones related to writing as a career. This is more of a record of my attempts at writing, so let’s keep said record.
Besides writing because it’s my “dream/goal/whatever you prefer” and I want to do that as a career, there are two reasons I am focused on writing as a business/career over something else. First, to change the path that me and my family are on, economically and structurally, so that I can have more time and freedom of movement; writing is not location dependent, after all. Second, I want to end the feeling of never being able to feel I’ve done what needs to be done each day. I have my day job, to keep us fed and such, only to come home and have to decide do I get to rest and hate myself for not working, or work more and feel I’ve abandoned them for my “writing.”
If it meets those two criteria, and it allows me to focus enough time on writing that I can feel less nervous apoplexy that I still haven’t written anything, and it meets the modest financial and personal goals I have and does not violate any ethical or moral rules for myself, then I’m fine with whatever it takes to get there.
Let’s get to specifics. I’ve got an opportunity, or, rather a bet of sorts. Finish drafting and editing a novel by Dec 31st of this year, and there is a free professional book cover for you by an actual designer. It’s a short, time-sensitive goal with actual reward at the end, so it’s getting priority.
The rest of the plan is obvious: first, get the blog here up and running again. Second, stabilize things with family and work because of a new regular job. Third, eliminate as many uneccessary things from my life as I can; stuff I’ve been accumulating, projects and classes and backup plans that don’t fit well any more. With the space created, focus on the above tasks.
What does that mean for Serial Rensai? Holding off on publishing fiction here for a little longer. I want to focus my attention on the novel, if only to have something to point to and say “look, it exists!” I also want to do a little more practice behind closed doors to improve my writing and style before I open up again. Talking about fiction writing and lessons and ideas I’m experimenting with, however, will be the mainstay here again, like it was a few months ago when this started. I’d like to start posting fiction here before the end of the year, but that’s not now.
Finally, a second promise. Yes, posts are still coming Tuesday, but I’m going to set myself a specific goal of what to write about for next week. I’ve been struggling too much with the “cool new idea” factor, and setting a specific topic to write about when I post the piece I’m working on is my next attempt to fix this flaw in me. I’m going to try noting what the piece is out front now, just to keep me honest with the world, but I’m not sure about it yet. If it works, though, that’s small potatoes.
So, next week: Math and the one percent idea.
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