[Editor’s Note: The short of it is, we’re not done yet. No real explanations below, just philosophizing, navel gazing, and vague plans. But we’re not done yet.]
Why am I here?
By here, I mean sitting at my laptop, late at night, with a beer, and a severe hankering for food, as I haven’t eaten much all day. Here, at home after a long week with a few good, a few wonderful, and some troublesome things. Here, two days before a long vacation to another country that I’m nowhere close to ready for. Here, writing for a project about me being super serious about my projects that I haven’t touched for almost a month and won’t be adding to for probably another three weeks.
Here, broken, lost, and hopeful.
Broken, because, no, really, look, I have a handful of posts up, almost all of which remind people that keeping up a consistent output is good, and writing often is good, and no really, I’m totally going to write and post and be here and be good about it, people, for realsies. Followed by how many weeks away? Is this even going to land up there, or is it going to be more weeks before anything appears?
Lost, because what am I doing this for? Where’s the fiction? Where’s the work? Where’s the effort and the ideas and the everything? Everywhere. In big jumbled messes. I know where it is, in that I know it’s around here somewhere, but I can’t get it for you, so please don’t ask.
Hopeful, because I have a reason to continue.
The reason doesn’t matter. It’s my reason, and it might not work for anyone else. If you have the reason for continuing, hold it close. Let it carry you when things go wrong. And if you don’t have a reason, find it.
Even if it’s just “because it’s what I want to do, and I’ll give up this and that to get there,” then, if you really feel okay with that, follow it. It won’t take the weight away, but it will lighten the load. That’s all you’ll ever get. Lessening the burden until it reaches a point you can carry it.
So what does that mean for here?
Humans fail. It’s what we are. I have failed. It’s time to do the other, extremely human thing.
Try again.
Blog posts on writing will continue, and they will be returning in a few weeks. They would follow the plan I had before if it hadn’t gotten lost, but I just remembered I copied it onto my computer. So, we’ll do that. Expect Japan to figure a lot more into things, especially after the initial plan is finished. Reasons on that, later.
The secret projects are going to be revealed, now. I’m working on one serial story, but I’ve decided to completely scrap the original plan for publishing it. Instead, I’m just going to do six chapters, and then see how it feels. Three fights, three non-fights. While it could probably go on forever with the plans I have for it, I’m going to do six chapters, and then stop and reassess. More manageable, more doable, less to think about.
Soon after that, reviews and deep dives are coming. It’s something I thought about leaving for later, but I’m just going to start doing them now, because I think they’re interesting to think about, and it gives me something else to talk about more concretely. Expect a lot of Japan here for a while.
It will be quiet a little longer. Maybe something small might show up later this month, maybe not. Then, I hope it will get noisy again. Then, I hope I can start bringing people on board again. Then, I hope I can push myself forward again. I won’t give up. I may fail, I may quit, but I’ll come back until the reason for existing breaks. And right now, I’ll die before that happens.
We can’t succeed on hope. Hope is almost utterly useless, for succeeding and accomplishing things. It doesn’t pay bills, it doesn’t get the work done. It’s, at best, idle dreaming, and pernicious self-aggrandizement away from said best. But if it gets you back on your hands and feet, standing up again, use it. Get going again.
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