You think that the enemy is is that other person. Or that group or culture or instance that is out there fighting against the very thing you care about. Or the idea that is the antithesis to that certain thing you believe in and carry with you. Or maybe the enemy isn’t something so black and white. Maybe it’s the absence of the thing you’re striving for, the gaping hole where joy needs to be brought, or the pitch darkness that guards over the ignorance. The place where, when finished, the very thing you’re living for fits in and fills, as if it had always been there.
Maybe you think you can win, and maybe you think you can’t win. Those are powerful forces arrayed against you, you say, and only the luckiest of you are fighting wars that can even be won. After all, what can you do against the onslaught of real terror, real violence, real hate, on any scale beyond a grumpy turtle with a gummy overbite? Any real danger, hate, violence, maybe you can forestall it, escape it this time, but if it faces you head on, sooner or later it’ll getcha. The greatest soldiers still fall in battle, the most intelligent still get stumped, and those of us of the greatest virtue can still be dragged through the muck by any schmo off the street given enough reason to and a little luck. Compared to the greats, what are you?
But, sure, let’s go with it for a moment. You are facing real challenges. You don’t have to justify it this time. Because you’re thinking, whether or not it is the greatest challenge to the world, it is your challenge, and you are taking on an enemy out there. Win or lose, you’ll fight against them.
You fucking numbnuts.
Let me repeat that.
You are a goddamnable fool of human if you believe for a moment that is your enemy, you utterly stupid fuck.
There is only one real enemy, and it is the same for you as everyone else.
You.
You, the weak part of you.
Your exhaustion, your ignorance, your self-devotion, your lack of courage to face actual danger. Your weak side is your enemy, and whatever else you face, whatever else in the world rises against you is nothing compared to this. You will never move mountains, let alone molehills, without defeating that.
That is your enemy. Fight it. Every day, every hour, every moment, with everything you have. You must be good, not contemptible. You must be virtuous, not lazy. You must push, instead of drift. You must open yourself up to the dangers of the rest of reality, of being wrong, of failing, of being insufficient, of death, of life, or — even worse — oblivion, to crush the weak you before it uses those dangers to shut down anything of value you actually have to give.
That you in the mirror is your foe. It will grant you no quarter, it follows no international agreements, and it will do anything but give up. Fight it with tooth and nail, pen and sword, concentrated fire and a cold shoulder. Whatever it tells you, even when it is telling the truth, it is a fucking liar. Because it’s telling the truth to kill you dead, because it’s found a way to even make the good of the world hurt you.
At least you have one ally. You. The good of you is there too. Use it, and beat your own weaknesses. When you’re tired, keep going. When you’re sad, keep going. When you’re struggling, keep going. When you’re winning, keep going. When there is nowhere else to go, keep going. When the path is leading you to a cliff, and the weak you is screaming for you to stop, keep going the right way. You won’t understand that at first. You need to really know your own side before that last one will be clear. But once you know, it’ll be clear. And the real mountains and valleys of difficulty will truly be in view. It will hurt. But once you get there, it will be so much clearer.
You are not one side of a coin, and the weak you the other. you are simply the coin, and it is one side. You will never escape it. You will never achieve final victory. You will never put it in the ground hard enough to keep it from coming back. It will always come back. But that doesn’t mean you must lose. You can win the battles, and you can even win the ones that matter. Never let that thought go.
That will lead your true enemy to ruin.
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